Vilest Evil Smiled: Seeing God in the Midst of the Bosma Tragedy

It was an unremarkable Monday evening, back in May of 2013.  A young couple, Tim and Sharlene Bosma, had just tucked their little girl into bed for the night. A hockey game was playing on the television, and the Bosmas were waiting for a potential buyer to show up to look at the Dodge Ram diesel pickup truck they had posted for sale online.  It was getting late. It seemed strange that someone would come to look at a vehicle after dark. “When they come, should I go with them?” Tim asked.

“Yes you should because we want the truck to come back,” Sharlene replied.  Words spoken innocently.  Words that would come back to haunt.

Two men arrived shortly thereafter, walking down the long rural driveway, no vehicle in sight. They claimed a friend had dropped them off and was waiting at a nearby coffee shop.

One man smiled and appeared friendly, while the other hung back in the shadows.  The men barely looked at the truck.

Tim smiled at his wife. He said they were going for a test drive and would be right back.

As the truck slowly pulled down the driveway, Sharlene and her downstairs neighbour agreed the situation was ‘weird’.  “That might be the last time we ever see him”, the neighbour joked.

It was.

Fulfilled… Book Review & Giveaway!

This book.

Wow!

From the opening paragraph of the introduction, I was captivated by the words of author Danise Jurado. She demonstrates our need for God, and His gentle and compassionate heart for those who are hurting.

She shares her experience of coming to God, recognizing her need for all that He has to offer. “It’s my favorite place,” she says, “because I am safe here. In the arms of unconditional love…”

These powerful words speak directly to my heart. For much of my life, I have struggled with feeling unsafe. The promise of safety in the loving arms of my Savior touched something within, sparking hope for discovering deeper levels of healing and freedom.

Secret and Shameful Ways…

It was as if my heavenly Father commandeered the meeting – a tactical move to push the enemy back from trespassing on my freedom, from invading territory where he was not welcome.

As my husband and I prayed with our Pastor that day, a new question was posed – to enquire of the Lord if there was a particular verse or passage of Scripture that He wished for us to read together.

2 Corinthians, Chapter 4 immediately came to mind. The Pastor was familiar with the passage. It speaks of our treasure being held in jars of clay, and promises that, “We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair…” (vs 8). He could see why the Lord would lead us to these verses.

Or so he thought.

The Power of Momentum…

I have to admit, I was a little discouraged.

The prompt for #livefreeThursday was “nothing holding me back” and I immediately felt a heaviness inside. A sense that I was somehow ‘less than’. That I didn’t measure up.

I felt a longing deep within for those words to be true of me, but I knew that this just wasn’t my reality.

There are, after all, things that I know still hold me back…

Safe in His Hands…

Feeling safe has been a lifelong struggle for me. My capacity for trust was stolen at the tender age of five, along with my innocence. My friend and I were left in the care of her two older brothers. Two little bundles of life, all pigtails and giggles, without a care in the world.

One afternoon forever changed all of that.

I was too ashamed to tell my parents what had happened. I was afraid of how my father would react. He was unpredictable at the best of times – prone to outbursts of anger. I was sure that he would never be able to love me again, if he discovered the truth.

So I carried dark and heavy secrets alone.

Loving the Little One…

I have a confession.

Although I’ve loved sharing my journey of learning to discern God’s voice, and my passion for reaching my new friend Jeffrey with the truth of the gospel, I have also been avoiding.

Avoiding the pain of pushing forward on the journey toward healing. The pain of inviting Jehova Rapha, the God who heals, to expose the next layer of my brokenness, and to dispel the darkness with His glorious light.

I have been untrue to the mission of Incremental Healing. I have failed, for the past while, to share the hope that I have found as my heavenly Father leads me on the path toward healing. I have not offered reassurance that you are not alone, or encouraged you to persevere.

For this, I am deeply sorry.

While I will still share on other topics from time to time, I do not want to lose the focus of this place.

So, with all that said, I am ready to share another chapter of my story…

Intimacy with God…

I am on a journey.

A healing journey, yes, but also a journey of learning to cultivate intimacy with God.

This journey captivates me.

Hearing my heavenly Father speak words of love into my life has been life-giving and freeing. There is such joy in communicating with the Father in this way – in a relationship that is truly reciprocal.

Just Listen…

I am directionally challenged.

Exceptionally so.

Those who know me best would agree, and have often been entertained by stories of my ineptitude.

Like the time I left the Toronto Zoo and drove over ½ an hour in the wrong direction, simply because all of the cars in front of me had turned right at the first major intersection, and I figured that must be the way to the highway.

Note to self – Just because everyone else is headed down a certain path, does not mean that it’s the right way to go!

I share all this to help you understand my worries about getting lost in the forest when I was at 3 Crosses a couple of weeks ago for the listening retreat…

Thin Places…

The early Celtic people believed that there were sacred places on Earth where one could experience God in a special and intimate way. Be closer to Him, if you will. Places where there was a very thin divide between our realm and the spiritual one.

Often these ‘thin places’ were found in the beauty of nature – mountain vistas, forest trails, pristine waterfalls, and along the gorgeous coastline. A place where “the veil between this world and the next is so sheer you can almost step through” (day1.org)

Have you ever experienced such a place? Somewhere you felt particularly close to God?

For Such a Time as This…

Have you ever been blindsided? Hit with an unexpected blow, just when things seemed to be going well?

This is where I find myself this week.

Could this be an attack of the evil one, who “prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8). Does he see my stubborn resolve to walk in faith despite my circumstances, and fear the progress I’m making toward freedom and abundant life?

Or maybe it’s the complete opposite.

In His infinite wisdom, does my loving, heavenly Father know that I have made just enough progress to be able to handle dealing with the next layer of brokenness?

Either way, I do not like finding myself in this place.

Not.  One.  Bit.

This week, I was hit with some news that left me reeling. I was literally shaking and felt sick in the pit of my stomach. To explain, let me take you back a couple of weeks…